The Patriarchy Gave Us Our Ideas of Success
One of the most popular podcasts in the world aired an episode in March 2024 that *still* has me absolutely seething so buckle up, here we go.
Ever listened to Huberman Lab? The host is Andrew Huberman, who has made some very problematic life decisions that should make you question his credibility right out of the gate, is a professor and researcher at Stanford who goes into incredible detail about the research behind each of his podcast topics.
Episodes are often 2+ hours. People like that he can translate the science behind health topics with an everyday language and that’s what initially drew me to his podcast as well. He provides seemingly science-backed protocols for sleep, nutrition, relationships, etc. He tracks his personal data.
You know this type of bro.
Back in March 2024 he hosted Cal Newport, a well-published author who writes about being low-tech or no-tech, productivity, and how we need to slow down to be most effective.
Huberman interrogates Newport about whether Newport lets his three children have phones. Newport says absolutely not, but they’re too young to need phones anyway. Put a pin in this point in the conversation.
Later in the podcast, Huberman asks Newport how he’s able to write so prolifically. What are your rituals that get you in that headspace? What’s your writing routine? Tell us about your desk setup.
Dear reader, this is what Newport said: He has a special writing room, where his computer is not connected to the internet. He leaves his phone out of the room, has no other internet-connected devices like a smart watch, closes the door, and writes for 4 or 5 hours at a time. Distraction-free.
Sounds lovely, right?
But who the fuck is watching the three kids?
This is when I start screaming at the podcast “Ask him about his kids! Ask him about his kids!” but of course Huberman does not. It doesn’t even register with him that the ability to ignore your phone for 5 hours at a time is a privilege only available if you have someone else caring for your children.
You can have a bibliography like Cal Newport if your wife is there to answer the call from school that your kid is puking.
You can’t be the emergency contact for your mom, your son, your best friend, or even your wife cause they all know you ain’t gonna pick up the phone.
So, as forward-thinking as Newport claims to be, he is entirely reliant on a patriarchal system to support his career (whether that be his wife, a nanny, or a school system which is primarily staffed by women).
Newport’s wife (her name is Julia) isn’t the one getting featured on one of the world’s most popular podcasts.
When we define success the way Newport and Huberman do, we glorify the rapid accumulation of individualistic outputs (the number of books authored, the number of podcasts produced) that are only possible on the backs of unpaid or underpaid mostly female labor.
I would rather be my child’s first call when he’s in trouble and have it take twice as long for me to write that book.
The danger is that if we let Huberman and Newport serve as definitions of success in the world without considerable critical questioning, we come to believe that we have to strive for the same. Because that’s what success looks like, we’re told.
We desperately need more models of success – the kind that places value on our joy and our interrelationships. The kind that leaves us space to pick our kids up from school. Throw a friend a birthday party. Listen deeply to the stories of our aging parents.
I’m trying to do this at Evergreen Empire. I’m trying to show you that you can make work that changes the world while also living a big meaningful life that isn’t defined by the way you earn a paycheck.
When someone asks you “what do you do for a living?” I want your answers to be about l-i-v-i-n-g, not just your job.
You’re bigger than that.