Don’t email me “Hi Stephanie, we’re soliciting details from multiple vendors… Would you set up a vendor profile and submit a proposal?”

I’m likely to put your reply at the bottom of my to do list.

If I reply at all.

Because that email tells me this potential client doesn’t actually care about me. They see me as basically the same as people they think are my competitors. They’ve taken no time to get to know me or how I work.

They probably just googled “data visualization workshop vendor” and emailed everybody on page 1.

You might choose a generous interpretation and suggest to me that perhaps this IS their way of getting to know me. That’s kind.

It’s just not true.

Because those emails are more like “Hey Stephanie, we’re interested in a data visualization workshop. I saw the information on your website and it seems like you’d be a good fit. Could we jump on a call and discuss our needs with you?”

That’s more personal. They did a tiny bit of homework. They want to mutually exchange more details.

But when someone calls me a “vendor” it’s a strong signal that I’m viewed as a commodity – essentially interchangeable with everyone else in my field.

Commodities can only compete on price.

Calling yourself a “freelancer” can project a similar vibe.

When I’m feeling super gracious, I’ll reply with a decline and an explanation.

“Thank you so much for reaching out. It sounds like you’re planning to collect multiple proposals and conduct a formal review process. I appreciate the invitation but I must decline. My experience is that these types of methods rarely surface the best candidate. Usually they’re only focused on price. In this field, you get what you pay for. We’ll never be the least expensive vendor. Far from it. Best of luck!”

This has often led to thoughtful exchanges. I get it – some people work under policies that require soliciting proposals from multiple vendors. But look baby I can send you wording for a sole source justification.

It’s just that I’m not spending my one wild and precious life writing up lengthy proposals where I essentially hand over my intellectual property only to be undercut on the budget.

I’m not a vendor.

When I’ve accepted this type of work in the past, I was treated with less respect. Expected to make late night last minute changes. Expected to let the client have creative control. Spoken to rudely. (Facebook was the absolute worst.)

Does that match up with your experience too?

I only want to work with clients where it’s a mutual and enthusiastic HELL YES.

“A mutual and enthusiastic hell yes” is a phrase also used to discuss consent around physical intimacy. Have you heard it used in that area before?

Makes sense, right? You want to date someone who is really into YOU, not swapping you interchangeably for the next hottie. You want someone who likes you because of your depth and personality not just because your peach is poppin.

So if you wouldn’t accept that kind of behavior from a potential mate, why would you allow it with potential clients?